Avenues of Recovery

Before there was modern medicine, there was natural medicine. But, with all the awesome studies and technology we have today, more and more evidence is coming up to support natural medicine. While there are many different avenues you could take when deciding on medication or an alternative, I would like to share insights I have gained on it. For many people, Rx medication has been an answer to prayer. Personally, I have found natural alternatives to be an answer to my prayers. There are many who say that the natural way is just as effective or more, pure and better for the body. I would like to encourage you to do your own research on it.
Since most of us probably have access to a doctor who would encourage and prescribe medication for mood disorders (postpartum or not) I will leave that to them. I would like to present a side to healing that they may not mention so much, if at all, though.

When I had PPD after having my twins, I was very fortunate to run into a kind lady who shared with me that she had also been through PPD a few years back. Her natural care provider told her to take Sepia homeopathic and Vitex. I had taken Sepia before with good results but had tried it a bit this time without as much success, so I tried the Vitex. The morning after I took it, I felt as if I had just woken up from a nightmare - not freaked out, but calm and wondering about the nightmare of yesterday's life. Another way to describe it, though, is that instead of climbing the mountain, I felt like I was on top of it. In some ways it bothered me, because I was so used to the climb. In some ways, I like the climb. It brings satisfaction. So, I backed off of it for a few days, and started feeling "normal" again, or, like I was climbing again, but with a clearer mind and a walking stick. I took it again when I felt like I was hiking without a friend and in the dark. I experimented with how much to take and how often to take it. I was so grateful for something natural to take. I really did need something extra. This herb contains progesterone, which hormone can be deficient in postpartum women.
We acknowledge the hand of God in all things and there is no substitute for the armor of God. Rx Medicine is not truth, righteousness, nor the preparation of the gospel of peace. It is not a shield of faith and it is not the means whereby salvation cometh. It is not the word of God and it can't substitute for prayer. Medication may help me out of a hole temporarily, but it is the Lord that helps me out of the holes of not forgiving myself, the holes of self-degradation, of not accepting the whole gift of the atonement, and basically, the holes of spiritual debt. In a true emergency, I hope to be prepared with a supply of the armor of God if/when there is no medication to take.
Remember the wonderful good news of the gospel in all of the challenges of the day and pray that God will guide you to the choice that will truly heal your mental challenge and bring you closer to Him. I testify that He cares about you and all the details of your life! You really can trust in Him.

Here are some therapies which have been helpful to many moms over the years in recovering lost energy.
Do not be afraid to use these, for in them, also, is God's hand. Many practitioners of these therapies know that it is what God (or Universe, depending on the practitioner) wants them to be doing right now to help serve their fellow humans. You can do a lot of these while on medication too! There is much beauty in these. Love is the answer. Sometimes you don't find enough or give enough love if your only method of treatment is a prescription.
(DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical doctor and you should not take this as medical advice or a medical cure. Always consult your care provider when needing advice on a medical issue.)

*Nutritional Support: Sometimes, depression comes because our bodies are lacking certain nutrients that support healthy body functions. I feel it is important to pay attention to fixing these deficiencies to address the mood issue. Along with eating a diet rich in vegetables, protein, whole grains, fruit, and a good food source of calcium, the following are supplements known to help brain function.
   VITAMIN D3 has been known to improve mood
   CALCIUM, POTASSIUM, and MAGNESIUM are important electrolytes. The nervous system is especially affected in a good way when sufficient electrolyte levels are consumed and absorbed.
   OMEGA 3,6 and 9 oils (essential fatty acids) are healthy fats that play an important role in brain function and development. When taken in doses higher than 1,000 mg, brain function tends to get better.
   B VITAMINS (especially B-12 and B-6) Here is an article you can refer to for more info regarding B Vitamins and brain health. 
   VITAMIN E can help protect brain cells from the harmful effects of stress.
   ENOUGH GOOD, CLEAN WATER There have been so many studies done on water and how hydration or dehydration affect brain health. Here is a helpful article describing some findings. Be sure to drink at least half your body weight in ounces of water per day. Keep a bottle or glass of water next to your nursing/feeding station and your bed. Drink water whenever your baby drinks.
Take note: Some things you can add to help take away your symptoms. Other things you will need to subtract from your diet. See my previous blog post about this. Something I wish I had known about and used earlier in my life is a micronutrient called EMPower Plus. It has had over 34 studies done on it and has been found to elevate mood. It is a multivitamin, mineral, and amino acid complex supplement. It calms the mind and lifts the mood.
*Natural progesterone cream can help balance those hormones out and lift mood. I like using either Young Living "Progessence" or this cream by Source Naturals.

*Sleep is one of those things that sometimes eludes us as mothers. But it truly is worth making the effort to assist your baby in forming a routine and habit of sleeping for as many of the night hours as possible. Sweet Sleep: Nighttime and Naptime Strategies for the Breastfeeding Family is a good resource. Also, don't hesitate to call upon anyone you trust who has offered to help you with baby, to watch the baby while you sleep. Day sleep is better than no or too little sleep. Sleep plays a crucial role in brain function and the more hours of sleep you get in a row... the less it interferes with brain function (YAY!).
*Exercise can do wonders for a depressed soul. The blood flow from aerobic exercise helps all functions of the body and can keep a mom from going crazy. Again, worth recruiting some help for this one if needed.
*Journaling is a great way to get any thoughts, positive or negative, out of your head! This clears the brain and assists in its function. Keep a journal right next to your water at the feeding station and on your nightstand. Sitting for a long time can produce more thoughts than we can manage while we are stuck just sitting there... Write the thoughts you have about the past, present and future. Write to-do lists, to-hug lists, and lists of things you are grateful for... Write about your birth experience and what you would want someone to do for you if they offered.
*Meditating and praying, of course, helps us get out of our heads or the past, and into the present, focusing on our breath and the things which matter most - including gratitude!!!
*Creating art of any kind is also very therapeutic.
*Babysitters, because you-time is precious, sacred and you need it.
*Counselors: Seeing a counselor for talk therapy or trauma help and healing has been a God-send to SO MANY people! If a counselor is not around when you need one, call a good friend or trusted family member!

*Essential oils can be more therapeutic than the plants they come from because, not only are they more concentrated, but they are in oil form and can absorb right into the largest organ of the body (the skin). They have constituents and properties that cleanse and detoxify. Their aromas can be inhaled which affects the limbic part of the brain. This is where many of our emotions emanate from, including fear, anxiety, and depression. Citrus oils are great for lifting mood. Rose is a very high-frequency oil that can help as well. But sometimes we need more grounding oils like vetiver or cedarwood. Frankincense can be one that brings courage to the discouraged and is an excellent oil to support the brain. Many companies have blends of essential oils that are specifically blended for lifting spirits and balancing hormones. I like Butterfly Express's essential oil blends for a lot of emotional issues.
*EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) Put simply, this is a system of tapping on our body's energy meridians while repeating positive affirmations. I have tried this several times and experienced great results. It can help with problems like mood disorders, trapped emotions, and bad habits and works for many to provide relief from symptoms of dis-ease. Here is an instructional video on EFT.
*Foot Zoning is a way of balancing the body systems and getting/keeping the body in homeostasis using the receptor points on the feet that correlate to different parts of the body and body systems. It is very relaxing and can be effective in helping us to overcome mood disorders. The key to why foot zoning works for postpartum mental challenges is balancing. Mood disorders tend to not be as much of a problem when there is balance in the body systems.
*Rapid Eye Technology (RET) works with communication at the cellular level that has been and is assimilated through REM sleep. http://rapideyetechnology.com/faq.htm
*Iridology is a system of reading the eye to see what parts or systems of the body are experiencing health, weakness, or stress. The practitioner will then usually use muscle testing to determine what nutrient the body needs in order to restore it to optimal health.

*Yoga is probably the one most of us have heard of more than the others. Widely accepted now, it helps the body, mind, and soul by focusing on the breath and promoting and facilitating meditation while maneuvering the body in very helpful stretches and moves. The act of involving the body with the meditation process increases the effectiveness of both. Yoga is big on breathing correctly throughout the exercises which, of course, oxygenates, helping all body systems get into better standing.
*Energy Work is a broad term and can encompass many alternative ways of recovering from stress. Some practitioners call themselves just plain "energy workers". They will likely be very in tune with your spirit and hopefully in tune with the spirit of the Lord as well, and use that communication to help them understand what you need in order to overcome whatever it is you are seeing them for (or maybe something that you didn't know you were seeing them for). Many energy workers are also trained in 'methods' of energy therapy like Reiki, muscle testing, Psych-K, Simply Healed Spirit Code, Emotion Code, etc... and some combine it with foot zoning, EFT, etc... Energy work is a VERY effective way to accept the good that is waiting for you to step into.
*Herbs are so awesome! Do a search on herbs in the scriptures or on the internet and find a wealth of information! They have been used for thousands of years to alleviate all kinds of discomfort or ailments. This is actually how medicine came about in the first place. They figured out that a certain herb fixed this problem or that, and then they decided to try to find out why. What nutrient or property or constituent was it that healed that ailment anyway? Then they isolated it and put it in a pill. The trouble with doing this is that it caused more side effects than the whole herb did in the first place. So there are a lot of people who have chosen herbs over prescribed medication. As with the others, there is so much more to find out about herbs! Look into them! They are so worth it!
*Cranial sacral therapy. Spinal fluid ebbs and flows throughout the membrane around the brain and the spinal cord, and therefore affects the whole nervous system. This therapy is very gentle, emotional, and beautiful as the therapist moves gently on the skull and spine areas as well as other areas affected by the spinal fluid that may need extra help. There are many success stories with craniosacral therapy. Search out more info online.
*Neurofeedback is a really awesome way for the brain to see itself through the technology of EEG and feeding the results back through a movie the patient watches. The brain can see if it is working top-notch or not and fixes itself. New neuropathways literally are created in the process and the brain is able to handle more and work through things it wasn't able to previously. Considering the fact that depression is a neurological disorder, this is wonderful technology and therapy for PPMD. Here is a link for more info. And here is another.
*Homeopathics are the energy of certain plants. The idea behind homeopathy is that you take a tincture of a certain plant which, when eaten, causes the symptoms that you have, and dilute it down to where it's basically just the energy of the plant left in the water. (This is why homeopathics are so cheap.) The body will recognize it as something to fight off and rid your body of the symptoms that the plant would cause if it were to be taken in heavier concentrations. To read more about homeopathic therapies, click here.

Did I miss any? Comment below with what has helped you through tough Postpartum times.

From the Outside Looking In: One Perspective

I see her seeing everything that is wrong.
I see her not forgiving herself or others.
I see her struggling to stay afloat and feeling helpless.
I see that she needs help but can't seem to help her.
I feel helpless as well.
What can I do?
What can I say?
She is depressed and I can't seem to get her out of it.
She seems to rattle on about one burden to the next.
I know her burden is great, but I have my own work...
She cries and blames me for things I had no idea I did wrong.
She thinks I don't love her.
Do I? This isn't the person I thought I married.
She makes a very big deal out of the smallest things.
Does she even see me here?
I know this is important to her.
I see her begging for help, but don't know how to help her.
Even when helped, it only makes it go away for a short time.
My loved one is hurting inside, but how do I tell her she needs help?
What if she rejects the help?
How CAN I help?
I must help her.
I must keep on trying and persevering.
She will get through this, but WE need help...

Heavenly Feelings in a Telestial World

Having and nurturing/nursing a baby is a heavenly thing. Some have calm and peaceful birth experiences. Some have exciting, loud, ecstatic birth experiences. Some have traumatic birth experiences. But in any of these cases, a new, valuable, vulnerable, and infinitely divine child has been birthed. And you are his mother. (Or hers)
What a beautiful responsibility! What a beautiful and loving job! What a wonderful and exhilarating experience this is and/or can be!!!
And then you go home from the hospital and the sun comes up at 7 am and goes down at 8 pm. And the whole rest of the world goes on living their every day lives, while you are wondering how you are going to transition this beautiful and special spirit from heaven to Earth. Midnight and early morning feedings are not what the rest of the world is doing. Training and loving young ones is not something the world is accustomed to teaching with preciseness or with instructions particular to your baby/situation.
Sometimes, it's as simple as trying to live in the same world you were used to AND take care of heaven's precious gifts and real human beings that are totally dependent on you - that brings you to a place of being depressed.
Can one live in the same world as "everybody else" or the one she has grown accustomed to and still be there for that sweet little baby? Anything is possible with God, but is that what God is asking of us? That is up to us to find out.
I have experienced this. If this is you as well, here are some scriptures and articles that may be of comfort or help to you.
Matthew 25:35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:

 36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visitedme: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. 37 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? 38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? 39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? 40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of theleast of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
Matthew 6:24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hatethe one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

Behold Thy Mother - Jeffrey R. Holland

Mothers Who Know - Julie B. Beck
                 

Hinting At a Sleep Chapter

I'm going through postpartum depression for the eighth time. However, this time I am very greatly benefiting from my past blog posts. I found that Satan has tried the same tricks on me over and over and over again. But this time I've had my blog posts to remind me that it's happening. They have also helped me to remember the lessons that I've learned in the past and to apply them to my life right now. I've been wanting to write a sleep chapter for a long time (because I know that sleep disturbances and lack of sleep can cause PPD), so I have done some research on how sleep, or the lack of sleep, affects postpartum mood disorders. It has been quite intriguing. Sleep disturbances and deprivation cause and aggravate the already delicate balance of Estrogen to Progesterone, as well as the thyroid hormones and ones that are associated with satiety and growth. I knew how important sleep was before, but I'm finding out that perhaps it's even a little more important then I realized. But now as well as in times past, I am left with the question, "so, how do I get more sleep?"
Lessons learned: getting enough sleep usually takes more sacrifice, prioritizing and prayers then I want to, but it is always worth it when I put forth the effort to do a bedtime routine (started early), calm down before bed, and don't get too stressed out during the night. It's important to wake up with a prayer in my heart, praying for the sleep that I got to be enough sleep for the day.
Some great news about the postpartum experience this time is that because of the new perspectives and knowledge that I have gained, through study, faith, journaling, temple attendance, prayer and blogging, I have fewer issues with taking supplements for hormone balancing. The trouble before, and I suppose with many other experiences, is that I (we) get into a place with the hormone imbalance where it is so easy for us to hear Satan's voice. We are also in a weakened state physically, and mentally because of the sleep deprivation, that we don't feel strong enough to withstand the fiery darts of Satan. And, the last things he is going to tell us to do is to believe in Jesus Christ, think with common sense, and fix the hormone imbalance, and get more sleep, exercise, water, resist junk food, eat great foods, etc.… so we run into the very discouraging thoughts, "I am so evil, and I never seem to get anything right... I thought I worked through this yesterday.... Why can't I just get over it?" We may think that we have caused our feelings of unworthiness by our actions or lack of, and so deserve to be feeling this way, so we don't consider medication or supplements to be something that would help us.
Ignoring anything that IS a real problem can turn into a bigger problem though, so here is a suggestion on how to take medication or supplements and prevent the feeling or thought that you are not just frosting coating your problems. Before you get on the hormone balancer, write down your mental problems that you can't seem to solve while not on the meds/supplements. Include in-law issues, feeding problems, health problems, issues with your husband, anger issues, problems with children, with society, testimony, house work, money, etc... Then after going on the meds/supplements, you will hopefully start feeling better quickly, but after a week or two, evaluate your problem list, praying first to know which problems you still need to deal with, and which one to start with. Create a journal entry (or several) about this, your experience, the problems you need to address and how you will address them. Remember that God is on your side as well as on the side of everyone you are having problems with. He loves us all more deeply than we can understand.

The Power of Words: 40 Things To Say To A Woman Who Has Had A Baby Within The Past Year

The energy of your words can make all the difference in a woman's postpartum experience. It is my opinion that women know exactly what they are supposed to do, just maybe not how to do it all right now. Unless they ask you for advice, they probably need more cheering on and understanding than anything else; words of encouragement and just plain help. Satan tells childbearing women so many silly lies, and if the body is weakened in any way, it makes it more difficult to fight against those lies. Some of these things are in direct contradiction to those lies that are so common among these women. (Honestly, this is a list I made in an effort to record what things I would want to hear in the postpartum year, when I was recently recovered from my last PPD experience. If you have any to add please leave a comment :)

1. You are a glorious person!

2. Thank you!

3. I love to see you using your power for good!

4. You radiate light with your laughter and smiles!

5. What can I do to help you?

6. You are an awesome warrior!

7. Let go of the bad.

8. God is with you.

9.  Say nothing - just give hugs.

10. Treasure the good.

11. I love the way you...

12. Wow! Way to speak truth!

13. You always seem to be doing such awesome things with your life!

14. Wow! What faith you have!

15. Just hold on a little longer.

16. You have more power than you realize!

17. When you meet resistance, you really push through it!

18. I love the way you allow yourself to feel joy even when things aren't perfect!

19. Motherhood is radiance!

20. Mothers are beautiful!

21. Nurse away and love every minute of it!

22. Can I do the dishes for you?

23. Can I read your kids a book?

24. Do you need a foot rub?

25. Would it be okay if I rubbed your scalp?

26. I love you!

27. Can we do lunch sometime?

28. I brought you some soup and bread!

29. Take charge. You' da woman!

30. Being the Mom is such a great blessing.

31. You can do it!

32. Would you like me to teach you how to...

33. You are beautiful!

34. What do you want?

35. Is there something you need help with?

36. What do you need?

37. You are doing a great job at being the best you!

38. You are doing it!

39. Wow! You have so many awesome righteous desires!

40. You're making a big difference with every little thing you do!

The Past

There is something about our pasts that seems to bind us somehow - in good ways and bad. Much of my postpartum depression has come from me holding on to the past too much. There were wrongs that I felt never had been righted. There were intimidation issues which came from past experiences. There were hurts that I had not healed from. All of these things would tend to come to the surface and "haunt" my postpartum experiences more often than not. Most the time, when I finally learned to let go of something that was haunting me from my past - or finally worked through it enough that I felt I could let it go, I healed from my postpartum depression as well.
Recently I have been thinking about letting go of past hurts and moving on from where I am at right now. I know that I need to allow healing. I know that to let go of that thing in the past would mean that something else would take it's place. I am daring to hope that the thing that takes its place will be good. Or shall I say God. If I let go of the past (bad), I am allowing myself to move closer to God. There is a motto in my church ... CTR (choose the right). The right side of our bodies represents the future. "Choose the right" recently took on another meaning to me, which is choose the future. Don't focus on the past, focus on choosing things that will make your future brighter. Choose things that will make your today shine bright.
A good counselor can help you heal from past hurts, right past wrongs, and let go of the bad. I have said it before, and I'll say it again. I am thankful for and testify of the "wonderful counselor" Jesus Christ who takes away my sins, who has born my greifs and carried my sorrows, so that I do not need to.

Hope Is Never Lost

In hopes of reviving my own hopes, I am writing this post about hope never being lost.
I thought of this phrase after wondering how to get rid of the "giving up" feeling I have been having lately. This is not just the passing, "Oh it's no use..." statement that we sometimes give when we are going about our day sometimes, as a figure of speech or a tiny giving up, but this is  a feeling of really believing that it is no use to even try to do much at all. Just now as I was writing that, though, the phrase "gird up your loins, fresh courage take, our God will never us forsake" came into my mind. Earlier when I was having the utter giving up feelings, I thought about the remedies that might be out there for this negative emotion and so I was thinking of the opposite - hope - the belief that your good efforts WILL pay off some day, hopefully in the not-so-distant future. Then the voice of Jeffery R Holland came into my mind. "Hope is never lost!" He gave a great talk  last conference about how to make it through a mental illness - mainly deep depression. It was a beautiful talk and I am glad that those words came into my head because the feeling I got from the Holy Ghost entered my heart when I thought of those words. I am especially glad that I blogged about them just now, because I needed to hear the other words too about girding up my loins!
Be of good cheer. (John 16:33 http://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/16?lang=eng)
Be strong and of a good courage! (Joshua 1:6 http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/josh/1?lang=eng)
Come unto me all ye  who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28 http://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/11?lang=eng)

God bless you, help you, and keep you!

A Thank You to All My Loved ones

I have posted before about how alone I have felt and I think some of my posts really leave out noticing or recognizing the people who have loved, supported, and helped me throughout all my trials, as well as laughed with me, and shared in all my joys. I just want everyone who has ever helped me in small ways and big that I am so grateful for that help. I am certain that we need each other. I appreciate all of the times that you followed the promptings of the spirit in how and when to help. I forgive you if you ever felt a prompting to help but did not.
I think that one of the characteristics of PPD (or maybe even any depression) is failing to realize or accept all the good around us. I know one of the things that I have struggled with is finding a balance between seeing what is lacking, and taking care of that need, and focusing on the good.
I am going to share an interesting piece of information about crabs. If one crab gets put in a bucket and tries to climb out, it will make it out. If another crab gets put in there with it, when one tries to climb out, the other will pull it down. I have experienced the crab bucket syndrome and think that it is the stupidest of human behaviors. It totally happens. But, this is the kind of behavior I like to call "the natural man", and it is an enemy to God.
We must learn to yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and put off that natural man. We must help each other out of this bucket (Satan's traps) not pull each other back in.
I'd like to thank everyone who has ever helped me out of one of Satan's traps. I have mentioned my unseen helpers before, but I have had many mortal angels who have been sent by God, literally, to help me out of a bucket.
Sometimes they are not Satan's buckets, but the buckets of life. Sometimes life just brings more than we can handle all by ourselves and we get sent these heavenly helpers.
Thank you to all of my heavenly helpers. This is what I want to be to someone else. I hope that I have helped you out somehow too. I hope that I have not been a fellow crab, but a helper from God to help you out of the bucket.
Above all I thank God for all of His tender mercies on me and for the everlasting and unconditional love He has towards me and all mankind. We all fall short of the glory of God and I thank Him for sending Jesus Christ, the Great Heavenly Helper that can help us out of any "bucket" we get stuck in. If we ever feel like we are constantly trying to get out of the bucket and constantly and mercilessly being pulled back down by others, He is there for us. I have always loved the song "Walk Tall, You're a Daughter of God", especially the words, "He's closer than you know, reach up he'll take your hand."
Thank you for all the good you do!

On The Battlefield

Ephesians 6:12-18
"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand.
Stand therefore having your loins gird about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
Above all taking the shield of faith wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God:
Praying always with all supplication in the spirit..."
Ladies (and any men reading this) we very seriously ARE on the battlefield. The adversary knows what a crucial, vulnerable, and sensitive time this is for you and your family, but especially for your baby/babies.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and we are hastening our missionary work. There is a great need for this at this time. Satan is also hastening his. He is only raging on all the stronger. "The wrong will fail the right prevail" Longfellow penned. So true.
You know all too well that voice that tells you that you are not worth it, or the voice that tells you that you hate your husband, or that he hates you, or that you want to put one of your kids up for adoption, or beat them to a pulp. Where did those ideas come from?  Yes, Satan. Nephi says, "look to God and live."
Those evil thoughts are not your own. They come from the father of all lies. You may be HEARING those evil and destructive thoughts, but there is another voice that is still and small. That voice will tell you that you ARE worth it!!! You love yourself, your husband, your children, and that it IS POSSIBLE for you to succeed and have joy!!!! In fact, it may only be those evil voices that are keeping you from succeeding and feeling that joy right now!!!!! Picture Satan to the left of you and God to the right of you. If you are looking to God you can still hear Satan, but it is easier for you to hear God when you are looking to God. How do YOU "look to God"?
When we are weak, we are at risk of being attacked. Are we not weakened when we don't get enough good foods, water, sleep, and scriptures in? I know that I have experienced more than a fair amount of all of these especially during the year after having a baby. I think that this is part of what brings any mood disorder into our lives, postpartum or not. But, in the postpartum year we are more likely to experience these things because of the "added load" we have just acquired. This is not to say anything bad about our babies, it's just the way it is. Having a family IS a 24/7 job. We need support and help. (see the post called "What is Normal Anyway?")
I just want to testify that I know that the scripture at the top is true. When I was telling a good friend of mine with ten kids, who had never had PPD before, what PPD was like, she said, "So, it's a demonic attack." It wasn't a question, she could tell exactly what was going on. I thought of what a demonic attack might feel like and felt like that really did accurately describe what I was going through.
Never before had I looked at it quite like that. This brings a whole new application to the scripture above. As things are created spiritually before they are physically, it would make a lot of sense that this is what's happening, really. Perhaps it is the very thing that causes the hormones to be "out of whack". Perhaps it is what shuts down the adrenals. What I get from this, is that I need the armour of God on NOW more than ever before!
So let's look at it a different way. Studies say that about 15% of childbearing women experience postpartum depression every year. If PPD is really a demonic attack, that's nearly a million women EACH YEAR that are experiencing a demonic attack. Can you see how important it is that we as women HAVE this armour of God on?? AND can anyone reading this that is not experiencing PPMDs now see how badly women who are childbearing need your help to strengthen them, support them, and minister to them. I am not talking about telling them what they should be doing, I am talking about comforting them, sharing a scripture with them, or doing a job for them that they don't have the energy to do because they were up at all hours of the night with their baby, or because they literally are experiencing a spiritual attack. This need goes beyond the week or month or two after the baby is born. For many, postpartum depression doesn't settle in until 3 to 4 months postpartum.
I have a wonderful friend whom I know the Lord sent to me. She came at just the right time to give me all the things listed above. She ministered to me. She helped, supported, and defended me.
I know that God gives us beautiful people like this as gifts at hard times in our lives just to let us know that we are not forgotten. He loves us and is there for us. He is on the battlefield too. He is fighting right there with us. At one point I thought I fought alone. But now I see that he was fighting for me all along.
Taking care of our physical body AND our spiritual body are BOTH necessary for healing that lasts. I have learned so many lessons that I don't think I would have learned, had I ignored what the Lord wanted me to learn spiritually throughout my childbearing years. I am so grateful for the Lord's watchful care and love for me and you and pray for your victory over whatever challenge you are facing.

The Song of Life

This post is going to be short, but I just wanted to share something that has been on my mind lately. I recently bought a piano. We have two now. One upstairs, and one down. But the kids pretty much favor the upstairs one. In fact, they love it so much that until recently, they couldn't stop playing it every time they would see it. They would even play two at a time. Not duets, though, just two songs at the same time. Have you heard two songs playing at the same time before? It makes one cringe.
If we think about the phases of life that we can go through here, or the different kinds of work we do throughout our lives, there are so many different ones. Different "songs" that we sing throughout our lives.
For several years after I started having children, there were many weeks where I did not enjoy church. Not only was it a battle to keep up with small children during sacrament meeting, but I would wish that I could have pretty much all the callings that I knew I had talents to fill. I wished that I could be Relief Society president, music chairperson, chorister, nursery leader, Enrichment night coordinator, and so on.
Beyond church, I wished that I could be at least a part time writer, teacher, singer, song writer, teach childbirth, cooking, and nutrition classes.
But I remember one line that Elder M. Russell Ballard said one conference. "A woman need not try to sing all the songs of her life at once."
This brought me comfort and somehow I knew that even though I wanted to do all these things right now, it would not "sound good" it would make one "cringe" hearing those songs all mixed together. If those desires are planted in you now. Just nourish them little by little and focus on nourishing the ones that are in full season at the moment.
This season is the  time for nourishing and training small children, no matter how challenging it is. That is what we have chosen, or been given, blessed with, etc...
I say to myself, "patience. This song is precious and will end soon. And then another will begin."

Using the Lord's Law of Health to Help Us Overcome Our Challenges

I have discovered that for me, the foods I eat affect my mood.
Heavenly Father knew this from the time he spiritually created you, me, and the foods we would eat.
That's why he has given us so many good foods and good words in the scriptures to tell us what things are good for us to eat.
What kind of food habits do you have? Are they the kind you want to have? Do you notice your mood changing after you eat certain foods?
This is a tool I want to be able to pass on to those going through postpartum mental challenges, because I know by experience, that it can be very beneficial in altering a person's mood for the better. I am not a professional nutritionist, doctor, midwife (yet), and am not perfect in this principle, although I really try to be. I would like to share an experience with you and a lesson I learned from it, though.

I thought I had the Word of Wisdom 'down' by not smoking and not drinking hot drinks or using "addictive substances". Then life got down right stressful! I had four small children; I had just begun really homeschooling our oldest 2 and got a breast infection. I had to go on antibiotics to get rid of the infection. I've been on them before. In fact, I had to take them a lot when I was little and then pretty much every pregnancy/birth when I was an adult up until that point. You know what the side effects are of antibiotics? Among other things, yeast infections. (Any woman reading this has probably dealt with them in one place or another and any man reading this probably has had one at some point as well, in the gut, on the skin, etc...) Besides all this, I was still not recovered from the PPD that had settled in around a month before all this happened.

It was during this very stressful time of life that I began to acknowledge that I had an addiction to sugar. As much as we all like to deny that sugar and chocolate are addictive, research and our bodies tell us otherwise. Some people can eat just one serving at social functions or family home evenings, or birthdays, etc., and they are just fine to leave the rest and just fine health wise with the piece they had. Others, however, like me at this time, could not seem to stop eating it until it had made me physically uncomfortable. I would avoid making it or buying it for this reason, but this didn't solve the problem during holiday get-togethers, church functions, or other times when I wasn't the one making the food or deciding on the menu. What better way to stress my body out even more than by being addicted to sugar? It causes stress in the body!

This same year, there was a talk given in General Conference on the sanctity of the body. There was a story in there that told of a mother who had experimented with a new sweet roll recipe and overindulged. That night, she was asked to say the family prayer, but, because of her overindulgence, had felt a lack of spirituality for saying the prayer.

(http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2005/10/the-sanctity-of-the-body?lang=eng) 

I could definitely relate to this story. I felt guilty and less sensitive to the spirit when I ate too much sugar. One piece of cake would turn into three overnight. There were also a couple of talks in the  Oct. 2013 conference that addressed addictions of any kind.

By the end of that year I had grown so sick of the symptoms of Candida and so tired of denying myself more spirituality, I decided to make it a New Year's resolution to refuse all sugar, no matter where it was located. I also went on an anti-Candida diet. I noticed that it wasn't just me who needed this either, it was my family.

There were two exceptions: holidays (and I mean the actual DAY and not all the parties or celebrations surrounding it) and birthdays of CLOSE family and friends. I would allow myself to enjoy a sweet or two on these special occasions.

Like any major life change, it took about three months to get used to. With the anti-Candida diet, you're supposed to go off of the common food allergens altogether and slowly add them back in. People we knew got worried that our kids were not eating dairy or eggs and I totally felt like the food freak for a long time. I would go to church functions and there would be little to nothing I could eat of what was served. I knew that the new food choices I was making were pleasing to the Lord and much better for my body, but it confused me that everyone else who seemed to be very spiritual and living the gospel were eating the foods there and they were just fine. How come they could eat them and I couldn't? This is a question I continue to receive answers for. One reason is because every body is different. My body may have been going through more stress than everyone else's there. The knowledge that I had recently gained, challenged cultural beliefs and traditions that even some members of the church were not ready to let go of, no matter how practical or healthy. Another possible reason I was led to this way of eating was to learn mastery over my body. I have not had very many opportunities to fast over my many years of being pregnant and nursing, while many others who are not experiencing this season in life get to fast every fast Sunday. Perhaps the Lord was giving me a way that I could "fast" from the things that I knew were causing my body more stress. I also feel like it was His way of showing me how to use my food storage. I had wheat, beans, oil, and such, stored and had not made it a habit yet of cooking with these healthy foods and making things from scratch. As far as the church functions go, I learned that I either needed to just not go, not go for the food, or offer to bring something I could eat. But, I STILL struggle with this even now.

It was not an easy task for me to get used to cooking different foods, eating different foods and loving them. Luckily I made these changes when my kids were small and still forming their food preferences. We started eating things that were naturally sweet for Family Home Evening treats, like popcorn, smoothies, naturally sweetened cookies or cakes, etc... My husband was also very open to trying new foods, which I am sure all of you would agree is a big plus!

If you study about what foods feed yeast (funny that they also are the ones that would increase your risk of getting bacterial infections because of their effects on the immune system), what foods don't and what foods help rid the body of the excess Candida, you may find some interesting things you did not know before that will change your perspective on food. And if you have any desire to change the foods you eat because of what you find, please know that it IS possible! Pray about how to approach it, what 1st step to take, and go for it!!!! I do need to thank one of my dear friends from this time, Crystal Bailey, who supported me on this whole thing. She totally validated me after I so courageously refused chocolate cake that was being served at a Relief Society meeting. Her support was a great example that others started following.

I learned that many of the foods that fed the yeast also contributed heavily to depression, anxiety, and fatigue. I learned that the foods that didn't feed the yeast and the ones that helped get rid of the excess also were known to aid in the body's immune system and even helped in fighting cancer. WHO DOESN'T WANT A STRONGER IMMUNE SYSTEM AND LESS CHANCE OF GETTING CANCER?? (Not to mention less anxiety, depression, and fatigue...)

After making these changes, I did experience increased spirituality, decreased depression, and better health.

Once I had this new found knowledge, I wanted to teach others. Some people were open to it and I was able to help others along on their journey toward better health. Others were not ready to receive it or completely would not listen and I felt so sad that I could not help them. There were those who continued to think of me as unreasonable when it came to food, and I had to, and still have to, just be okay with that. Life isn't over yet, and they may come around later on.

I made those changes in 2006 and since then have let go at times when I am less physically taxed, or sometimes even when I am, much to my dismay. Over that time, I have noticed that eating the unhealthy foods brings attacks from the dark side. Spirituality IS affected! Overall, my stress levels have not gone down by any means, and at present, I am remembering what an awesome year that was when I made such awesome changes. I felt as though I really did experience the blessings and promise associated with the WOW. "And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones; And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures; And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint. And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them." (Doctrine and Covenants 89:18-21)

If we get a blessing (or many) from eating healthy, is it possible that we get the opposite of a blessing from eating unhealthy foods? The saints back then didn't have sugar or processed foods so readily available like we do in our day. That is why we really have to go with the spirit of the law. If we are addicted to something that we know is not healthy for us, we are disrespecting our bodies as temples. Our bodies ARE temples.
There is a spirit about the word of wisdom that, to me, is telling us to avoid ANY unhealthy food addiction. The Word of Wisdom found in the 89th section of the Doctrine and Covenants is more than just "don't drink, smoke or do drugs". This section is all about food; what foods we should eat, when, and a little bit of why. It also describes what the Lord will do if we eat this way.
The Word of Wisdom may not say anything about avoiding sugar, but the spirit of the law is that we eat the foods God made for us that are good and nourishing to the body and eat meat sparingly. The promises associated with obeying this law are priceless! When Daniel and his friends refused the Kings portion of meat and chose pulse (nuts, seeds, and legumes - which were probably soaked) to eat and water to drink instead (I would add that they probably didn't have any refined sugar at that point in time to even choose to eat), "In all matters of wisdom and understanding, that the king inquired of them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and astrologers that were in all his realm." Daniel chapter 1)

"All grain is good for the food of man." (D&C 89:16) I really don't think that the Lord intended for us to take apart and separate the food that he made for us. I think specifically of wheat, corn, and sugarcane. When we separate the sugar from the fiber, or all the different parts of a grain from each other and they don't all end up in our body at the same time like God made them to, it is not as healthy and can even be very harmful.

But what about "All things in moderation"? What is moderate to one person may be extremely excessive to another. Or vise versa. All things in moderation perhaps means that we use the spirit to guide us in our eating choices; being honest with ourselves and respectful to the bodies God gave us, and the food that he made to grow well and nourish our bodies.

Having more faith in our food growing processes is phenomenal. In the olden days, when bugs attacked their crop, they prayed over their crops. Maybe this isn't true of all cultures, but the scripture that says, "Ask and it shall be given you" is not just there for decoration. Anyone can apply this scripture to the situation they are dealing with. If we want to eat the healthier foods, why not ask for them and ask for the strength to break the generational and cultural habits that we may have?

WE can ask for God to protect and bless our crops. WE can ask for the Lord to send us food that is healthy for our bodies. WE can ask for God to bless our food to grow well without the use of harmful chemicals.

We can also ask God to help us have the faith it takes to buy the healthier foods. Yes, sometimes the healthier food costs more money, but, as Dr. Sears puts it, you can pay more now and be healthy or pay more later for healthcare costs.

After a few months of eating this way, my PPD began to subside, I felt stronger spiritually, and healthier physically. Any extra weight I had on me was gone.  In some ways, even just being able to say "No" to the thing that was so tempting to me, gave me strength and confidence. When we start saying no to the temptations that so easily beset us, it gives us spiritual strength and we awaken to the wonderful power we have in the righteous use of our agency!!!

Is Your Baby a Protector?

Have you ever wondered if your baby was sent to you just to tell you something from God or to teach you something that you need to know? What if this is true? What if our babies are given to us to teach us more than we can teach him/her?
All babies are very special and some can discern spirits. Perhaps because your baby is so special, Satan works extra hard to make sure you screw things up when he's a baby so that hopefully, for Satan's sake, he will have too much junk to work through when he is a grown up that he will not fulfill the mission that he was sent here to fulfill.
So, say this is true. If he has the gift of discerning of spirits and Satan is coming at you hard, you think your baby might try to warn you or protect you somehow? I wonder if there is any other way for him to do it besides crying.
So, Satan is coming at you with so many fiery darts or negative thoughts to try to thwart his mission and you've got "this screaming baby" on your hands that you don't know how to calm down. Satan knows that you are most likely not going to jump to the conclusion that there are evil spirits in the room to cast out. You are in a war zone in your brain and are probably thinking, "why won't this baby stop crying?!"
That is why I am writing this post. I think that there are times when we get sent protector babies. Babies that cry when our thoughts and intents of our hearts are not positive. They are telling us that there are evil spirits in the room with us that need to be cast out.
Some babies cry inconsolably when they have gas, when they have not had enough of their mom, because something you ate is giving them trouble. (Try taking dairy out of your diet if you suspect this.)
But some cry because they need to protect you from the evil that is going on in your head.
I have had two such babies, I suspect. The 1st, I did not know what she was crying for and felt like all I could do to remain sane was to distance myself from her. I regret doing this. The second I had recently, and I think I was a little more in tune with the spirit at that point and could really tell that this was one of his gifts and that that is why he would cry so much sometimes.
Have you noticed that ever? Maybe you were feeling particularly stressful one day and amidst the spilled juice, 7:30 dinner, contention with your spouse, breaking other kid's fights up, etc.... your baby all of the sudden starts in a crying.
This is our signal. This is our signal to stop and breathe deeply. Drink water. Take a seat. Have a cry. Say a prayer. Give an apology. Forgive. Pray for help. Prayer protects us from temptation, no matter how small, and demons. Pray in the name of Jesus Christ that those demons be cast out of your presence and household.
Then, enjoy feeling the corners of your mouth lift up again. Bask in the warm feeling you have in your heart - or hopefully have after doing all these things.

What Is Normal Anyway?

I have throughout my childbearing years had many varying perspectives on what normal is. Google defines normal as "conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected."
If you are reading this and are going through a PPMD (Postpartum Mood Disorder) you are probably thinking that normal is "anything but what I am going through". And you are right. Sort of. What you are going through may just be normal for what situation you are in. Yes, you are not experiencing the same things as those who are not childbearing, and you are not experiencing the same thing that men are experiencing, so that, in itself puts you in a pretty small category. You are not experiencing their normal. You are experiencing a different normal.
When we experience hundreds of negative thoughts a day, and an abundance of feelings of resentment towards ourselves, our children, spouse, or extended family members, though, our normal is generally something we would rather not be experiencing. This is when we need help. Perhaps household or babysitting help. Perhaps a hormone balancer (like Vitex). Counselors and psychotherapists were trained to be able to help people going through this kind of thing. As much as I wish that anyone else of my choice was trained to deal with my issues and help me through them, no one else is really going to do the job. Some would love to be able to do it, others would rather go scratch a chalkboard than listen to you explain all your emotions to them and expect them to have any kind of solution for you besides, "Go get on some medication, lady, because you are seriously messed up!"
And in your head you may be thinking, "I know I am! That's why I'm talking to you!"
I always wished that people in general would acknowledge my feelings as normal for my situation. I was very surprised when even people with a lot of children seemed like they didn't have any notion of why I might be overwhelmed, sad, depressed, short tempered, etc... I have come to the conclusion that they were either just a lot more talented than I or a lot more forgetful than I.
Many of my emotions stemmed from my basic human need to not be alone. I wanted to feel supported, helped, and like I had a cheer leader and comforter there at all times.
I am so thankful for the wonderful sisters, mother, counselors, friends, and children that I have that brought me through the experiences I had with mood "disorders" throughout all of the years past.
The biggest and most precious lesson I have learned through all of it, is that I never do walk alone. I HAVE cheerleaders, support, and I have a comforter. I just don't see them with my mortal eyes. I know they are there though because I have felt them with my heart.
I have had counselors and my unseen cheerleaders who have helped me to see that the Savior really is the way, the truth and the life. (John 14:6)
Matthew 11:28-30 "Come unto me, all ye who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Normal is relative. I don't think the Lord expects us to be normal, according to the world's definition. He stands at the door and knocks whether we hear it or not. He knows the work of women. He knows you, your life, your heart and your family. His love is always there for you and you never walk alone. Just open the door.

The Bitter and The Sweet

The fruit of the tree of life is sweet above all that is sweet. I am so grateful for Eve and her role in women's lives. She was willing to partake of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil (which was part of the plan) so that we may know and experience both the bitter and the sweet, for we could not know the sweetness of the sweet until we had experienced the bitter of this life.
There are many ways to relate this to the childbearing year. We have the sweet fruit of the conception process which then brings the bitter of morning sickness, tiredness, heaviness, food pickiness, etc... But WITH IT we have the sweetness of knowing that we are in the process of creating life, feeling the baby move inside of us, feeling it's unique spirit and body develop in us, and the positive of loving certain foods that we may not have fully appreciated before. When labor comes along, we get the bitterness of the pain of childbearing, but also the sweetness of experiencing the divinely designed process of giving birth. In a natural birth a woman gets to experience the bitter (and yet sweet) cup and then see and feel the life and joy that comes from that miraculous labor of love. The Postpartum experience is also a bitter-sweet experience. We experience the bitter of sore nipples and then the sweet of giving the nourishing milk that baby can suckle. The sweetness of the baby nursing and receiving the magic milk that God made for you to give it.
We experience the sweetness of the hormones peaking and the endorphin high that comes right after the baby is born, but then experience the bitter of the hormones coming down and lack of endorphins, unless we begin exercising ASAP after birth - and keep it up. That is when we experience the sweet again - when we start exercising the body AND the spirit! We must fill our lamps. Every day. This is SO essential to our survival in the postpartum period. If we can exercise our minds as well that would be even better. Just anything that challenges your brain and keeps it thinking and solving. There IS hope. Doing these things is not just possible, it's what God will help you to do if you ask him for help in doing it. The efforts may be bitter, but the results will be sweet!!!

The Power of the Birthing Experience and Gratitude

Although I have had PPD after births where I had a really great experience, I had it the worst after the birth that I had a very hard time with emotionally. It actually all went pretty good, but there was a moment where communication was not clear and it was very important to me that communication remain clear and I remain informed. I loved the birth and thanked everyone involved, but afterward had felt violated (for lack of a better word) because my wishes had not been honored. I didn't realize it consciously, but the week following was a crucial time in which I allowed the wrong forces to influence my attitude. Satan told me, "You are a victim and should grieve for your loss." I know now that there was another angel on my shoulder who was whispering, "Your birth was so beautifully orchestrated. Pour your heart out in gratitude to God and then call your care provider and ask her to clarify what she was doing. Let her know how you felt at the time, and thank her for her goodness." This voice was not as easy to hear, though, for various reasons. It wasn't as dramatic, I had psychological things going on from events in my childhood that I hadn't worked through, and my husband was going to be gone for six weeks when the baby was only 3 months old. Satan's voice was a little easier for me to believe, even though it was the lie.

It is not uncommon for an unsatisfactory birth experience to set off or even cause Postpartum Depression. I have worked in the birthing field as a doula and childbirth educator and have learned that the birth really does matter. I have seen and learned through experience, though, that gratitude matters even more.

In The Doctrine and Covenants section 46 vs. 7 the Lord says, "...doing all things with prayer and thanksgiving, that ye may not be seduced by evil spirits, or doctrines of devils, or the commandments of men; for some are of men, and others of devils."

I have learned over the years the value of praying always and also the receiving of ALL things with thanksgiving - even the MOST unpleasant ones. This goes to THE DEEPEST LEVELS! If I had prayed without ceasing and praised God and thanked him when things seemed horrible, I believe it's possible that my PPD could have turned into PPJ (postpartum joy!)

I really like the last part of the scripture because sometimes we take cultural or societal expectations and think they are commandments we must obey, when really they are just either garnishes for the meat of the meal, or distractions meant to take us away from things of the spirit.

I love the "that ye may not be seduced by evil spirits" There are plenty of times throughout the PPD years when this is what I would hear in my head.

Devil, "You're worthless. You can't even handle your own home."

Holy Ghost, "Thank them for coming over, see them to the door and then go pray your heart out first thanking God for every blessing you can think of and then asking him for his divine guidance and help in obeying his commandments with joy and love!"

When we have gratitude and are turning to God in our troubles, big and small, we will be given the power to resist temptation. Temptations can be as small as believing the wrong story.

Devil's story: She must really hate me for doing what's right

Holy Ghost's story: She must need more love in her life.

This stuff really what happens!!! People are so lost sometimes and even though you may feel like you are one of them, others still need love from you.

Devil's story: I must do it all or I'm a good-for-nothing dead-beat mom!

Holy Ghost's story: I want to do and will do what God wants me to do in this moment.

I know that in our weak moments, Satan will do all he can to take advantage of us. God awaits our prayers to him and wants to love us especially when we are weak. He WILL give us strength if we turn to Him for it.

Devil's story: Crying is bad and it means that something is wrong with you - DON'T DO IT!

Holy Ghost's story: Crying is good, it releases what is trapped inside. You can cry tears of joy or sorrow. You can cry in a prayer as you tell your Heavenly Father what it is that is so sad to you. Maybe you are sorrowing because you miss being pregnant, or because you already miss when your baby was tiny, or because of your deepest darkest secret, etc...

Did you know that there really are health benefits to crying? Here is a website I found on it.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/the-health-benefits-of-crying.htm

At this time in my life, I had not fully comprehended the concept of agency. Sadly, I hadn't learned that I could choose to believe the story that the Holy Ghost was whispering so softly to me and that it would get me to far greater heights.

Fortunately I had the opportunity to go to an LDS counselor to recover from all the madness, finger-pointing, judging, and so on, that was going on for me in this PP experience. He helped me through the childhood issues that I had not dealt with yet. The Lord inspired the RS presidency to assign me a very compassionate and extremely loving sister for a visiting teacher and I experienced great joy after the healing had occurred. I learned the most from this experience and am grateful that I went through all the good, bad and the ugly, because it gave such a stark contrast when my eyes were finally opened to the immense joy Father had given me.

Remembering The Good

You know when you see images that are NOT pleasant, pure, chaste, etc... and it's hard to forget them? Well I think the same thing happens with experiences of the same nature. It's hard to forget them. HOWEVER, if thinking of these negative images and experiences can be so detrimental, then wouldn't thinking upon images and experiences that are pure, honest, pleasant, lovely, true and virtuous do the exact opposite? (Phillipians 4:8)
I would like to share an experience I had which testified to me the power of remembering. This morning, like many others, I woke up hearing one of my kids whining. Pretty much every mom does, when the kids are young, anyway. (It's pretty much the only way they know how to communicate for the first couple of years of their lives, right?) Well, this morning I found myself thinking a prayer for the coming day. Thinking prayer is not the same as feeling a prayer. I noticed this and remembered the scripture Matthew 15:8 "...draw nigh unto me with their mouth, ...but their heart is far from me." At this moment, I knew that thinking a prayer was not what I wanted, although it may have been a good first step. I wanted to have my heart in the right place for my prayer to actually be felt and heard and answered and lived.
But as I got up and started to get ready for the day, I was feeling more and more negative feelings and they were all coming from a really deep spot that had been hurt in the past. As I was feeling these feelings, I was also remembering that scripture that I thought of this morning. I started crying because I felt so helpless in casting off the negative feelings. I tried thinking back in my brain to figure out why I felt these bad feelings so strongly right now. I found that it was remembering the horrible event that brought these feelings on. I then wondered why I couldn't remember the really pleasant and happy memories, the really great spiritual experiences, just as easily. This brought on a wonderful epiphany! I thought of the Savior's admonition when he administered the sacrament; that we do it in remembrance of him. Every week I go to church and take the sacrament, that word remember is right there in the prayer that is said over the bread and water (or wine depending on your particular belief). The scriptures also tell us dozens and dozens of times to REMEMBER!
So, I'm in the shower crying, realizing the power I have to remember these big experiences - good or bad. And as I made a concentrated and focused effort to recall and pull up in my memory the really awesome and big spiritual experiences I have had or the times when I have felt forgiveness, comfort and guidance, they came. And those negative feelings cowered in their presence. I could see and feel them disintegrating. The warmth and light of the spirit of the Lord that is carried in those awesome, truly precious, and good memories healed the hurt of times past. It took away the spitfire and sting and replaced it with hope, faith and love.

Gracefully Accepting

Sometimes, when we are nursing mothers, it seems as though we are going out of our minds with bottled up energy. (Look for a future post on bottled up energy.) The Lord wants to give us joy. When you feel that "let down" feeling, there is an emotional thing that happens too. We were created to feel joy in this moment, but we can choose to refuse it. It took me 'til nursing my twins (7-8) to allow myself to feel that joy for the more part of my nursing experience. In earlier years, I would feel a little joy, but I frequently had negative guilty feelings that would pop up right when that feeling came. A lot of these negative feelings happened because of my extra sensitive emotional state. I took things the wrong way, resented some of the energy I felt coming from my husband, hadn't had enough sleep, etc...
If you give without receiving or receive without giving, though, then you are missing half the blessings and your life will not feel complete. A baby gives stimulation (sucks) and receives milk. A mother gives milk and time and receives... what she chooses to get? I propose joy!
Let's look at this from two different perspectives.
1. God created us to give our babies special milk and love and comfort them. We were also created to have a joyful feeling every time our milk lets down. When we have the baby, these instincts kick in. We can choose to accept these gifts. For three to six hours out of our day, we can choose to give what the Lord created us to give. We can choose to be happy with what we can give, who we are, and choose to be pleased with our efforts and the fruits of doing, being, and feeling just who we are created to be. Others may think, say, and do what they will, and we can still choose not to deny this blessed, divinely inspired, completely good and natural part of us.
If only it were all that easy, huh?
OR...
2.  We've got these things called breasts. The world says they are primarily for sexual purposes, but now they are making milk. Something in me says they are really for nurturing and comforting my baby. But even people I trust seem to think like the world. They send me that energy all the time and even say things to my face that make it seem bad or shameful to nurse. It must be a shameful thing to nurture my children. It is the best thing to feed my baby, though, everyone says. It does seem rather motherly to nurse, and it is pretty miraculous that I can make any milk and that my baby can grow off of it. But I feel so lazy. It sit on my rear end 3-6 hours a day nursing, burping, holding or comforting, when I could be doing so many other things. My house could use a thorough cleaning, I would love to get some sewing done, or learned, I wish I could do something that could earn some more money to spend on this or that. Is the baby done eating YET? This is starting to hurt. I wonder when I will ever get a good night's sleep again... There's that very uncomfortable (or quite horrid) thought again, I hate it when I think those kinds of things.

I've been learning that even though I have a lot to give, and even though I have a lot of bottled up energy and I really feel like I'm going to burst, and even though people that are close to me may not be using their influence in a pleasant manner, I can choose peace. It may mean removing myself from the room, the situation, or the house, for a walk perhaps... But I CAN choose peace. I CAN extremely humbly and gracefully accept the gift God has given me. I CAN choose to feel the joy that I was created to feel. I CAN turn the TV off (or get rid of it altogether). I CAN accept a good gift from someone else. I CAN choose my thoughts. I CAN cast any thoughts out of my brain that I do not want there. I CAN feed my baby and lovingly enjoy the whole session. I CAN send loving thoughts to my enemies. I CAN be an influence for good, one feeding at a time, one meal at a time, one bath at a time, one outing at a time, one dish at a time, one thought at a time, and I CAN enjoy every minute of it. Even if times feel low, I CAN always be grateful for something that the Lord has given me and I CAN CONFESS HIS HAND IN ALL THINGS. Sometimes choosing these things means letting go of other things like pride, composure (in private to God, if nowhere else), worldly dreams, worldly measurements, or worldly traditions. Sometimes all it takes is breathing in deeply and smiling. You may need to have a huge cry. Often. That's nothing to feel ashamed about. It actually feels good to cry it all out sometimes.

Things I wish I had done throughout all my nursing experiences from the very beginning, that perhaps you COULD do, are:
1. I wish I had begun every nursing session with a prayer, specifically asking for a spirit of love and acceptance to abound in the nursing session, asking for help in feeling joy in nursing along with whatever else I was in need of (2 Nephi 32:8-9)...
      8. And now, my beloved brethren, I perceive that ye ponder still in your hearts; and it grieveth me that I must speak concerning this thing. For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray, ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.

      9. But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.

2. I wish I had had at least 8 oz. water to drink either before or during the nursing. Water helps you feel joy. Did you know that? And you also need it to help you replenish the supply. :)

3. I really wish I had brought a pen and my journal, or inspirational notebook to each nursing session. What a great time to write down all the things you are grateful for. Gratitude has been a really awesome tool for so many people struggling with depression. It should easily be able to prevent it. Even if I couldn't write and nurse at the same time, I could have it there for writing thoughts down in right after I was done nursing. Also, I would sit and think of all these marvelous projects, ideas, things I could do or say that would be great someday. Sometimes inspiration just really flowed during the nursing, but then it was gone when the session was over. I know that someday, I will have a little more time on my hands and I will have more ability to live out some of those inspirational ideas. Writing them down would have helped as long as I knew it would be a long way off still, but I could imagine it up now. (I think the really good ones kept coming back, though, so it's easy to remember some of them.) I will have a chance to give more of what I think are my strong points at another point in time. It's okay to remember the poem "Washing and Scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow, for babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow. So settle down cobwebs, dust, go to sleep, I'm rocking (or nursing) my babies and babies don't keep." (author unknown to me)

4. I wish that each time I would have either sung to my baby a little while nursing or read the scriptures out loud to him/her.

5. I wish that I would have trusted man less and God more. (Proverbs 3 5-6)... Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.

Also check out http://www.lds.org/scriptures/tg/trust-not-in-the-arm-of-flesh?lang=eng

The lesson I have learned concerning this is that even though I love or trust somebody very much, I must let God be my go-to. I must let God be my teacher. Find Him, get in tune with Him. Turn to Him. Love Him with all my heart. I CAN trust Him with my life.

To Become

I have recently learned a fun saying to remember when you come upon a situation that is difficult to stay happy in. Ya know, like the ones that someone hurts you or offends you in? Well, I learned that you have two choices. "You can choose to become bitter, or you can choose to become better." I made the choice last week to become better.
"To be or not to be" is an interesting quote from Shakespeare. I like the admonition to just be. But I like better "to become". It suggests that trials will refine us and make us better somehow. It also suggests that this trial we are now in will be over some day. Maybe soon, maybe not. But, this trial will end, and when it does, you will either come out quite torn up and beaten, or quite a better person than you were before the trial. You may be both.
The temptation to let stress rule and overrun your life can be very big. Satan does a pretty good job at making it look glamorous, or easy, or fun. Remember that he was a liar from the beginning though, and that it REALLY IS a trap. You don't have to have the hair, the nails, the fashionable clothes, the most friends, the cleanest house, the prettiest yard, the most vogue decor, and certainly not the kids who have all this either. Look at all the things that the world says a woman at your stage in life has to have. Go ahead. Make a list. You'll find that it is quite ridiculous. You don't have to have read the latest popular novel, or seen the most recent new release. You don't need the peer pressure that you deal with whenever you get together with friends and neighbors, or family, for that matter. You REALLY don't need the kind of body that the world deems beautiful. You are being deceived if you think that anyone else on this earth is perfect - yes it's probably time to accept that the person who may have hurt or offended you IS NOT PERFECT. Nor can they be expected to be. You can't see into their soul, and God wants you to feel free of their judgments because judgment is His!
What you do need is to just be. For a moment just be. Breathe in a deep breath of light, clean air and welcome it into your desperate body (if you feel desperate). When you breathe it out, imagine you are blowing either all the bad out, back to the earth, or that you are breathing love out to all those who desperately need your love.
After doing this, pray. Ask for the next step. It may come right away, but if it doesn't, just be patient and look for it in doing laundry, dishes, going for a walk, writing in your journal, you get the idea. The next step can be as small as smiling, hugging your little ones, posting a scripture on your wall, making dinner, getting a game out to play with your kids, tickling them, calling your husband to tell him you love him, apologizing, etc...
At times when I have done this, I get the Holy Ghost reminding me that I haven't read scriptures today, or I haven't been out for a walk in too long, and need to go. At the least, I usually feel refreshed and ready to face my problem, whether housework, communicating with hubby, or kids in a healthier way, and so on.
So, is there a place for all that stuff that makes life stressful? What about a clean house and a nice yard? What about practical clothing that is clean? Sure! What about a practical yard that brings joy into your life and into the lives of those who look at it? Sure. But God will help us with whatever we really need to be doing at the moment. If it is His will that we have any of these things He will guide us to whatever it is, through the Holy Ghost, the scriptures, or friends answering prayers. The point is, do these things for God and in the order God wants you to do them. (I'm preachin' to myself here, too!) I have a previous post about what is needful that may help a bit, too!
To become all that we were meant to become, we must get to know the character of God, because we have that potential - to become like God. Making the choice to become better is definitely a step in the right direction for today. And Tomorrow. And if it's hard to keep that choice in your mind and heart, seek strength through Jesus Christ Our Lord.
(Philippians 4:13) "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
(Matthew 6:24) "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other, or he will hold to the one and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."
(John 16:33) "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."
Good wishes and prayers to you!