Wednesday, April 03, 2013
Who Am I?
I
want to tell you about a time when my second baby was still small and I was
struggling with PPD. I was lying in bed at night. My husband was asleep and I
was awake experiencing a strong attack from the dark side. I knew a family
growing up that had four people in it, two of which committed suicide. Ever
since then I had wondered what could drive a person to do that. What would a
person need to feel like before they really could bring themselves to suicide?
Well that night, I caught a glimpse of the answer to these questions. Luckily I
had a greater desire to live than to die at this moment, though dark forces
were beating mightily upon me and I thought I might really do it. I decided I
should wake my husband up to ask for help. I told him how I was feeling and
thinking and he asked me, "When was the last time you prayed and asked
Heavenly Father who you are?" I answered that I did not know. So I got
down on my knees and prayed and asked. I poured out my troubles and cried. The
answer came softly and gently that I was truly a daughter of God and that I had
a Savior who could take away my sins and troubles. I then had a very spiritual
experience that greatly strengthened my testimony of the Savior and His love
for me.
Does this question
matter to you? Who are you? What are you here to do? Today? This minute?
Knowing who we are is a
great 1st step to become more of what we were meant to become. Do you know who
you are? I can tell you a little bit about who you are, but for you to
find out for yourself who you are and what you are here for would be so much
more fulfilling to you than hearing it from me. The little bit I can tell you
is this. I believe that we are all spirit sons and daughters of a Heavenly
Father who loves us. I also believe that we are not all that we were meant to
be yet. We are becoming that person (hopefully) little by little, day by day.
We are continually creating ourselves (which is an exciting thought). When we
make God the person we counsel with in how to do this, we become so much more
than what we would if we were to leave him out of the picture.
Well, the morning after
this experience happened my husband left me a letter before he took off to
school (college days). It was very comforting. In the letter he quoted Heleman
5:12 (see also Matthew 7:24-25) "And now, my sons, remember, remember that
it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God,
that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth
his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and
his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you
to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon
which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men
build they cannot fall."
After reading this, I
felt a great and motivating desire to make sure that I was building my foundation
upon this rock! I wanted to have the Savior as my foundation. I did not want to
fall because of these horrible winds, storms, hail, and whirlwinds.
I am sharing this story
because I know that I am not the only one who has ever felt like I was feeling.
I know that the dark forces attack the mothers of young children in such a way
that they think they can't overcome. In fact maybe this is you. Maybe you get
attacked and stormed on. I hope you have someone to turn to for help. Maybe you
already know that you can turn to your Savior for help.
I would like to say
that I am grateful for all the people out there that help mothers through this
spiritual attack. I am grateful that we have mental health services that we can
call in times when we are feeling hopeless or helpless. I am grateful for counselors
who can help us get through rough times and, yes I am grateful for
medication that can tie us over until we can figure out and accept what the
real cure is for what we are going through. I am so glad God guides people to
help us in these ways. I hope that they do not take the prime opportunity away
from us, though, to build our foundation upon the Savior, but rather help us in
doing so.
That evening when my
husband got home, I told him that I wanted to do all I could do to build my
foundation upon the Savior. We decided we would take an institute class
together. It's not like I didn't "know" who I was before, and it's
not like my foundation was totally sandy, but I wanted to make sure that I did
all that I could to strengthen that foundation and to not forget who I am. To
treasure up the spiritual experience that I had the night before and build upon
it. There is no place in the scriptures where it tells us that when we obey the
commandments, the adversary will stop working on us. No, rather it tells us
that WHEN the winds and hail and storms come we will be safe and we
cannot fall if we have built our foundation upon the Savior.
You may say, "HOW do I build
this foundation?" In the biblical reference it tells, "whoso heareth
these sayings of mine and doeth them..." So that's a bit of the how. What
comes before this scripture? What are "these sayings of mine"? Read
Matthew 5-7 (http://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/5?lang=eng) and
find out. :) God is there to help us in doing the "sayings". If we
find one that is especially hard for us, let's ask God for help and have faith
that he will help us overcome it. Just a warning though. You will find that
this might make you weird or nutty in your own eyes and in others'. If you
start to feel this way, just thank the Lord and praise him. It means that you
are finding our more of who you really are and putting yourself in his hands
rather than putting your trust in the arm of the flesh. And just know that you
are not alone! God is with you and there are people like me praying for you all
along the way! (Yes, Really!)
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